Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You dont lie about slip and slides
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
