Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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