so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
