i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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