Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
