Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
