well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
