Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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