is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
