Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He did a backflip because drugs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
