you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
