it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Terrible idea I love it
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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