Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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