you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
