I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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