Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
