you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
