are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
