Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
