My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
