my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
MIDGETS
????
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
