he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
