i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
