remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
