This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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