don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
