Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
