There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
