I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
