Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
