No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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