i think i have herpe
just one?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
