The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
