So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He felt like a one man threesome
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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