Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
