Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
