covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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