Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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