Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
