I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
