Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
MIDGETS
????
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
