My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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