Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
