last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
