he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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