where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
