after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
