3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just puked most of my soul out..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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