the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
