Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
