Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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