Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Kiss
Puke
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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