chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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