i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
