8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
