Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
