he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
