she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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