why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
