is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize