That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My life is pants optional.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize