Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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