my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
