What did we do last night that was yellow?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
