She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
