I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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