I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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