So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
