clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
