Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
